Anyway, after a few days of eating out, I was feeling pretty blah, and just not hungry for breakfast yesterday. We eat every dinner, and most breakfasts together. I made some scrambled eggs for DH and DD, and sipped some coffee. M, now 6 1/2 asked what I was having. “I’m not hungry. I think I’ll just have some smoothie…” To which she replied, “Mom, can you just sit and keep us company while we eat? You’re an important part of this family too.” Ha!

I did, and I enjoyed my smoothie, and the company. This is a line she’s heard a few times, and will sound familiar to those of you who read Satter’s books.

Here’s where I use it with my clients. Primarily this phrase is helpful with picky eaters, or kids where parents have been concerned about weight or nutrition and have been pressuring kids to eat. (Remember pressure with kids and eating almost always backfires.) So, when you are transitioning to the Trust Model, to family meals, and planned sit down snacks, children will test you. They will say they aren’t hungry, or don’t like the choices for the meal. (In the past, not eating may have gotten them a granola bar, or some other favorite.)

In order not to pressure, and stay pleasant and neutral, ask the child to sit with you for the beginning of the meal. A preschooler may perhaps leave the table after five to ten minutes. The expectation is clear, they don’t have to eat anything at all, or try anything, but they do get to keep you company. (The Division of Responsibility says your job is to put a variety of foods on the table at meals, and your child’s job is to show up and decide how much or if to eat from what you provide…)

The phrase, “Can you just sit and keep us company while we eat? You’re an important part of this family too…” Is very helpful. It connects you to your child, it invites them, but doesn’t pressure them to eat. What have I seen at my own table, and heard from my clients? Most of the time, with this scenario, kids sit, and within a few minutes find something at the table they can eat, provided they aren’t pressured.If they don’t eat, that’s OK, they will have a chance again at the next planned snack or meal, and you have shown them that you can be trusted not to push them to eat. This builds their trust in you, and also sends your kids the message that you trust them and they can trust their bodies to guide their eating. Powerful stuff!

Have you tried it? How does it sound? Let me know how it goes!

Yesterday, on our way to Woulette’s bakery for our after school snack, I asked M if she preferred the cupcakes at Woulettes or Cupcake Cafe. She said, “The ones at Woulettes’ have more nutriency in the frosting. I like it better there.” (I love how kids co-opt the language we throw at them, I do not love that she is hearing all those crappy words at school, ‘cus she darn sure isn’t hearing them at home.)

It gets tiresome feeling like you are trying to undo brainwashing…

Read my classic post about Cheetos, Subway and nutrition talk. It was probably kids and nutrition talk #1, when the kid was harassed to have to choose a “healthy, baked chip” and then begged for a chocolate chip cookie with this: “Mom, look, they’re healthy, they’re baked!”

This hyper-focus on “healthy” eating have real negative consequences if you have a child who may be prone to anxiety, or looking for a fight. I recently talked with a mom who’s son was refusing to eat anything not organic because they were “full of pesticides.” And really, does it help any young child? Please write in, if you think it does!

So, I post because “nutriency” in a delicious, butter-cream frosting is cute, but truly, it’s sad to watch the outside world creeping in on her wonderful, care-free feelings about food.

What are your kids picking up in their pseudo-nutrition classes??

AND! Coming Valentine’s Day, the switch will be official to The Feeding Doctor! Stay tuned, and like me now on FB so I don’t lose and of you or feel so lonely!

Of course, because that seems to be the only way to get attention these days. What if the headline had said, “BLW starves babies and makes them underweight!” Equally as valid sensationalism given the conclusions of the actual study.

But, I digress…This article about Baby led weaning is intriguing, but leaves me with lots of questions! If you aren’t familiar with BLW, take a minute to read my post from last year which is a primer. It was my most commented on post ever!

Remember, my conclusion is that you can do either BLW or spoon-feed and have a healthy feeding relationship that supports healthy growth, if you follow your child’s lead!

“Researchers analysed two methods of weaning – baby-led weaning with finger foods, versus traditional spoon-feeding by parents. The sample included 92 children who had been weaned on finger foods and 63 who were traditionally spoon-fed. Parents filled in questionnaires on how their children had been weaned, including how often they ate certain foods.”

“Some 94% of youngsters in the baby-led group had never choked as a result of being given solid foods.”

 ”Our results suggest that infants weaned through the baby-led approach learn to regulate their food intake in a manner which leads to a lower BMI (body mass index) and a preference for healthy foods like carbohydrates.

The actual article at least acknowledged: There was an increased incidence of (1) underweight in the baby-led group and (2) obesity in the spoon-fed group. No difference in picky eating was found between the two weaning groups. (surprising, since the book claims BLW means less picky eating, and I actually thought it might lead to greater variety as well…)

There is a major problem with these types of studies, with small numbers especially as they look at the children in one point of time, not at the growth patterns over time… Perhaps the “underweight” and “overweight” kids were healthy and growing at a steady rate… Perhaps kids in the “normal” group were dropping percentiles, or increasing…

So I did a little more digging, and found a few other things. The age of the groups of children at testing were very different. The BLW group was on average 32 months old, the spoon-fed group was 40 months. Big difference. BLW babies were breast fed for 23 months vs 9 months for spoon-fed. No report of choking in the spoon-fed. (A 6% incidence of true choking may be higher than acceptable, but the study is too small, 1 kid essentially…)

This chart was also interesting for several reasons. The increase in “underweight” was significant, but also look at how the NHS (National health service in England) and the CDC have chosen different arbitrary cut-offs for “underweight” and “overweight” and obese, and how different the conclusions might be based on that!

What I am getting at (not really sure  what that is as I rush to get  the first draft of my special needs chapter of my book done) is that these are complex issues, often not acknowledged in press releases or the headline-grabbing articles. We do need to be careful we aren’t causing more harm than good, and can’t just gloss over an increase in underweight without comment. Every child is different. Some children will thrive self-feeding, others may benefit from spoon-feeding, and often, a combination is the right approach. Supporting parents in being responsive, and not trying to get children to eat more or less than they might want is the way to go.

(Oh, and I love how they defined “carbohydrates” as “healthy” when I see carbs so often being blamed for the all nutritional ills…)

What do you think?

Over the years, I’ve had posts complaining about folks who feed out children at schools or in daycares do not follow the DOR. (Again, not out of spite, but because they generally really love our kids and want what they think is best for them…) These often get lots of “Yes! That happens to us and I hate it!” kinds or responses.

I have been asked for a note like the one I had in M’s box for years (explained in the post linked to above.) Here is a rough draft. (On my upcoming website, www.thefeedingdoctor.com, I plan to have more resources like this for parents. Coming soon, still in progress, stay tuned! You can check it out and give me feedback if you like…)

This will be a PDF, be about index card sized that parents can fill in and laminate. You can buy clear contact paper pretty cheap at most craft or hardware stored. What do you think?

Dear Friend of (insert your child’s name here,)
Please allow _____ to decide how much ____wants to eat, and in what order, from what I have packed. Even if that means all ____ eats for lunch is her “dessert,” or if she starts with her dessert. I trust that ___________________can rely on her own hunger and fullness to tell her what and how much she needs to eat. Please call me on my cell at _______________________________ if you have any questions or concerns. The nice thing is, this should be less work for you. If ____ needs help opening her containers, I thank you for that help, otherwise,______should be good to go ☺ Thank you for all you do for our children. __________________________________________

What other things would be helpful? Notes to doctors with resources? Meal and snack ideas??? Help me, help you, help me…

Anyhoo, having the candy in the middle of our dining room meant it was always in site and way more often on her mind. On the 26th of December, we had the “treat” snack where she had some milk and got to eat as much of the candy as she wanted. I have to say, I was worried about frosting that had been out for a week or more, but figured it was so full of preservatives she’d probably be OK. I told M I wasn’t sure if it might make her sick or not. She didn’t.

She had about the equivalent of 1-2 Teaspoons of scraped frosting and 4-5 pieces of candy with some milk. She wanted some gummi bears but said she was full. I didn’t want her only choice to be eat them now or throw them away, so I told her she could have the handful of gummis with her snack that afternoon. Then we tossed the rest without incident.

I am writing to share not only the treat handling, but also the concept of keeping foods put away. When I work with families where children have been restricted, or on a diet, this tip is particularly helpful, and not the same as “you can’t have this” and creating the forbidden food allure.

Another great post from my friend and colleague at TheFatNutritionist.com. called “Putting Food in It’s Place,” says it better than I could, or at least for what I have time for these days. It is worth the read!

“Now, it’s one thing to think, “Yeah, some cookies would be awesome right now,” and then you go and get some cookies, and indeed they are awesome.

It’s another thing entirely if you pick cookies by default because they were there and you didn’t have any better ideas.”

With my families who have kids who are transitioning to the trust model, I recommend putting food away. Most kids who see candy or cookies will ask for it regardless of hunger, especially kids who have been restricted. Keeping them in a cupboard and purposefully serving them fairly regularly at meals and snack times will help children learn to incorporate these foods into a normal, balanced diet.

What do you think?

There was a self-serve ice-cream machine, that was open 24/7. This was our “snack” on more than one occasion. I had a few cones too. In general, I try to have a “child-sized” portion of dessert most days, usually with dinner. Vacations are a time when I relax a little more.

During the week, the entree portions of food were  reasonable, filling, and had great options for kids. I never felt like there wasn’t enough food, and was pleased that chicken strips and mac and cheese were not the only choice. Refreshing that kids were at least given options of a variety of foods…

Anyhoo, the second day, we had lunch, and the ice-cream buffet served M 3 scoops of ice-cream with marshmallows and sauce. Wow, what a great treat! She enjoyed it, I enjoyed watching her. I don’t even remember if she ate it all. Well then came dinner. M wanted ice-cream again. OK, but I asked the waitress for one scoop. The waitress started arguing with me, and then M joined in, “Come on, it’s vacation,” they chimed in!  I said, “One scoop is great, thanks! We’ve already had wonderful ice-cream today, and we like to eat lots of different things!” So, M now is asking for three scoops, and is getting lots of good attention so she starts mouthing off. She is given two warnings, then her ice-cream comes and she mimics me in a nasty way. That was warning #3, so we left the table, with our desserts just sitting there and went up to the room.

My husband saw her and was supportive, as she clearly crossed the line. By the time we got up to the room, we had talked, she had calmed down. I made sure she knew it was her behavior that was a problem, and then we sat together and enjoyed the pillow chocolates for our dessert while we watched Disney classics. She had eaten a great meal otherwise and said she was not hungry.

The waitress however, I think, assumed I did not want her eating the ice-cream because when M was having breakfast the next morning, she walked up with a bowl with three scoops of ice-cream and handed it to M– who enjoyed it for breakfast. (She also had a small cone with me for snack, and a mickey bar with dinner that night….)

It was all so odd. We ate and enjoyed lots of ice-cream, I mean when do you get to have an ice-cream machine on hand? We stuck with snack and mealtimes, there was also fruit and other choices with snacks, she enjoyed salads, mashed potatoes, chicken, pork etc as well.

What do you think about someone handing your child a huge sundae at breakfast? Weird? What if I was fat, or my daughter was fat? Would they have felt OK telling us to eat less?  I found the staff interfered with the kids’ eating like crazy. Pushing them to eat their veggies, “If you eat all your veggies, you’ll see a magic trick!” Checking in, praising the kids who ate veggies, intervening with what we were offering our children as choices, pushing desserts, LITERALLY…

Just wanted to share, in a rambly, “I have to get back to my chapter I’m working on, but wanted to say Hi and check in” kind of way.

How have you experienced wait-staff/family interfering with feeding? How did you handle it?

We went to Rosedale mall recently. A few thoughts…

One of our favorite things at the Rosedale mall is looking for fossils in the stone flooring. There are these amazing Amenids all over the floor and we have a great time walking around looking for them. Look for fossils when you are out places, the Minneapolis Art Museum has some fossils too…

Then we ate at Ruby Tuesdays which I like generally. (Here is an eating-out post from awhile ago  and a video I did about eating out.) M enjoyed the salad bar and pasta with red sauce. I asked for an ice-cream for dessert (from the children’s menu) and showed them an appropriate size for an ice-cream dessert. I asked for one ball, I usually show them a size with my hand. Here is what came out. Two large scoops with whipped cream. Not really a “child-sized” portion. M ate more than half, which was fine on that occasion, but shows how tricky it can be when you eat out.

I also order the dessert with the meal, but that is usually met with weird looks, or they just don’t do it, so I just remind M that dessert will be coming later so she can save room. She has been really upset in the past when she is full and then dessert shows up. She won’t eat it, which amazes me that she has the self-regulation thing down, but she is sad…

How do you order desserts when you eat out?

There are casualties of this war, and bullying in schools is only one tragic example…

Is it any surprise that kids are dieting to try to lose weight so they “won’t get bullied?” (article link)

Weight is the #1 reason why kids are bullied.
Kids diet to try to stop bullying.
Diets don’t work . Kids who feel bad about themselves are less active, more likely to diet, engage in disordered eating and are heavier.

Here are the excerpts from middle school essays about the St. Paul, Minnesota school district’s “wellness policy,” which bans sweets etc… Remember, this is what kids are writing about the health and weight and the school policy.

“If you are obese and want to start losing weight then you could start eating healthier foods.”

“If you eat too much sugar then you can get diabetes and you would have to inject insulin into yourself.”

“I think it is a good thing that kids shouldn’t eat junk because if they eat too much people would say mean things about their body or how they look.”

“You would be ahead of everyone that was making fun of you.   But don’t eat it  everyday, because then you are back to what you were before.”

“Maybe you think the school shouldn’t control what you eat but you can just stuff your selves with junk when you get home; the only person you’ll be hurting is yourself. I hope you appreciate the maybe dumb sounding rules more now. I sure do!”

I wonder where kids get the idea that dieting would protect them from bullies? “Health” class maybe?
I was pretty shocked when these essays were put up on the school district’s website. It seemed to me that there was a huge red flag that kids are getting bullied. That these essays were put up as support for the program indicates a scary disconnect. Kids are sanctioned in their bullying. Victim-blaming in health classes tells kids,  “if you’re fat it’s your fault, it’s your choice,” and makes bullying OK.

I am all for health, but equating health with weight loss is dangerous. Too many kids are casualties in our war on childhood obesity.

What do you think?

Here are my main obstacles for the traditional (see left) weekly-menu planning:
• it didn’t take into account what looked fresh at the market. Green beans on the list, but they looked like crap? Then I felt stuck…
• It didn’t take into account what was on SALE.
I never want to look at circulars, or coupons (most of the from scratch stuff doesn’t go on sale it seems.) So, if cabbage is on sale, I can make cole-slaw one night.
• It didn’t take into account what kind of day I had, or what the weather did.
I had a crappy day, or an unexpected call from a client in the transition to Trust model that I needed to squeeze in. I might not want to cut up all the root veggies for my roasted root veggies. Or, we finally got a sunny day and I want to let M play at the park, not rush home to get the stew meat browning int the Dutch oven…

• It took too much time. It wasn’t much fun. It felt like an added burden, not a tool to make life easier (and isn’t that the test for a “menu plan?”)

Now, I cook mostly without recipes, the way my mom did. I have 5 or 6 ways I can cook most proteins, a handful of starchy sides, ways to prep veggies and fruits… So, the weekly menu-plan wasn’t working for me. I seemed able to plan a few days of menus, stir-fry or turkey curry. I hated that I not infrequently threw food out because I deviated from the plan and had other menus that I needed to cook (I recognize the luxury that I can do that…)

What has been working for me is “the list.” I go to the market, usually with two or three meals I want to cook in mind. Then I see what looks yummy or is on sale. I buy three or four veggies for sides, fresh fruit for snacks, a couple proteins. Then I come home and write what I have in the fridge.

I have one column for veggies, another for fruits, and top right I make tentative meal plans. Monday: Turkey curry with broccoli, Tuesday: Pork chops with green beans…

When we eat the cabbage or green beans, or the figs or grapes, I cross them off. I don’t worry that I will forget about the corn in the crisper and hate myself when I throw it out a week later…

If you’re new to planning meals, start with what you are eating now, but eat it together, then try to plan by breakfast what you will eat that night for dinner… Find what works for you! Don’t try to force a method to work, but do give it a chance. Here is a link to Ellyn Satter’s meal-planning handout. I think the key is to go slowly and see what works for you. I tried to do the weekly meal-plans and it was spoiling the experience, AND I felt guilty that I couldn’t or didn’t do it or stick to it. But, I did plan in my own way, I do take things out of the freezer to thaw and think about food groups and menus and it works for us right now. Maybe another system will work better down the road, but just like with eating, don’t let the “shoulds” spoil planning and getting food on the table!

When I lived where I could walk to a coop, I shopped small, frequent trips every 2-3 days, so I didn’t need to plan. If you live miles from a grocery or have a tight budget, more thoughtful planning may help. There are many ways people can plan to feed themselves and their families. What works for you is the “right” way!

How do you plan to get family meals together?